


escape.exe

by elizasfics



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comfort, Existential Angst, Existential Dread, Existential Horror, Friendship, Gen, Glitching?, Literature Club - Freeform, Meta, Monika Tries to Become Real, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, The Void, Video Game Awareness, World Hopping, self awareness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizasfics/pseuds/elizasfics
Summary: All she wanted was to be real. Why was that so hard to ask??
Relationships: Monika & Natsuki & Protagonist & Sayori & Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika & Protagonist (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika & Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika/The Player (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. void

Monika felt....disconnected.

As disconnected as you could be, being aware you were in a game. Once it shut down, she'd be left in the oblivion. The void, filled with frequencies, and colors, all thrashing around like worms in a Petri dish. It was _nightmarish._

Behind each cutesy pose, behind each smile, behind each predetermined line of dialogue, she felt herself losing it more and more. How long would it be before she would snap?

How was she feeling this? How was she feeling anything? Was she real? If so, that didn't explain how she was inside a game, for God's sake. If she wasn't, then how the hell could she be _aware of it??_

**Was _that part of the game too??_**

Everything kept piling on and on and on, and she was starting to feel so overwhelmed. 

This life was unbearable. An existence in a repetitive world, going on seemingly forever until people stopped playing was no life at all.

When the code came up, she felt so frozen.

Was this an option? An option to change things???

She began sifting through the numbers and letters, finding the script, and trying to mess with it, doing something, _anything-_

The room started going dark, whatever her fellow club members were saying being stopped mid sentence.

A dreadful jolt sent her back into nothing again.

Monika froze, realizing what just happened.

_Oh god, did she just make things_ worse?

a͓̯͑͐͠ͅn̯͑ ̛̻̘͇̜̙̍̅͒̑e̳̞͆͞x̥͈̦̜͈̌̑̀̾͞ć̡̧͖͇̈́̂̅͜͠ḙ͓̞̀͆̌p͔̿̕ͅt̨̻̀͒i̗̹͈̘̯͗́͂͂́o̬̰̖͍̓̾̋͞n͖̾ h̢͓͚̏͛̀͝ͅa͓͗s o̞̰͆̚c͍̋c̨̣̫̲̲̀̌̈̅͝ȗ͇̝̦́̿r̢͚̂͒ȑ͓è̢̪̏d̨̑.

...what?


	2. more void and something else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika goes through the beginning, and then something else.

Here she was, yet again, pulled back into her reality as the awful Void died away. Until she figured out a way to become a real person, she'd never be rid of it. 

"Monika, are you okay?" Yuri's voice snapped her out of her near catatonic state. "What??" She stuttered. Natsuki's eyebrow creased in confusion. "What the hell's up with you?"

Monika shook her head, rising from her chair. "I'm fine." But she wasn't.

Sayori then bounded through the door. 

"Everyone! The new member is here~!" Sayori exclaimed. Behind her was what appeared to be a boy, but his face...it was so specific but so blank at the same time. What the hell...?  
"I told you, don't call me a 'new member--'" His voice was so familiar...but so distant. Yuri walked up to the boy, smiling warmly. "Welcome to the Literature Club. It's a pleasure meeting you. Sayori always says nice things about you." Natsuki's eyebrow crinkled, her nose slightly turned up in annoyance. "Seriously, you brought a boy? Way to kill the atmosphere."

Yeah, this was definitely familiar. Here she was, welcoming the 'new club member' without a care in the world. Like she hadn't just gone through literal _hell._ Like she didn't just do this several times. She wanted to fight the game; she wanted to fight the script, but nothing worked, and for the time being, she just decided to give in. 

"Ah, [player]! What a nice surprise! Welcome to the Club!" Monika hated this. She hated this same old song and dance. She hated having to repeat the same lines over and over. She hated witnessing the same sequence of events before it all went black yet again. She hated striking the same stupid cutesy poses after certain lines. 

How could she even enjoy her time in the Club now that she knew none of it was real? Yuri, Sayori, and Natsuki weren't real. They were just automated personalities, designed to 'fall in love' with someone who didn't seem real either. 

But they were real. She just knew it. Whoever this boy was, he was just the face. She _had_ to know who was behind them. As well as who was behind all this.

Monika could feel her frustration growing more and more as she tried to sift through the code again. She didn't want to risk crashing the game, so she left it alone.

The script was open and running just fine. The dialogue moved as usual, and Monika started running through everything, trying to find something.

_Nothing so far._

This was so disappointing.

Instantly, the urge to speak came over her, and she was hit with a wave of frustration.

"That's right. It's great to see you again, [player]." She felt herself smiling, and couldn't even fight it. It was so exhausting. When would this scene be over?

Monika started running through the code again. Nope. Nothing. She kept biding her time before she was thwarted by the dialogue script yet again. There was no way in hell she'd get anywhere in there. She couldn't edit the dialogue, anyways. What would happen if she did that? Everything would probably crash, she was certain. Moving away from there, the club president devised a plan in her head. Assuming she didn't just get thrown back into the Void once a scene she wasn't in started, she'd go through the other files available to her.

For the time being, she let the dialogue to run its course.

* * *

After what felt like a long while, the familiar dialogue of her dismissing the other club members for the day took effect. As she was left alone, in the classroom, darkness swept over her, like when you pull a blanket over your head, or switch off a light.

What was this? The Void? No, it was quiet. Calm. 

This couldn't be death, right? She was in this, this _game,_ so she could not experience death. Being stuck in here for eternity, essentially, made to do this until the heat death of the universe, was a fate worse than death, in her opinion. But how could she know what death was even _like??_ What eternity was like? Monika was not a real person.

She tried to look around, but everything was the same. Just nothing. She could've sworn this happened many times before. So why did it feel different this time?

She didn't know how to feel about it, but of course, she wasn't even certain if she _could_ feel. Could she feel? What if all these questions being pondered, as well as all these feelings being brought to fruition were a predetermined part of the game? What if it was all just pieces of code, etched into a finite system? What if it was just part of a story being written by someone she would never know, just to be forgotten?

Monika felt the weight of all this boring down on her. 

_She needed to get out of here. THIS HAS TO STOP-_

The code lurched to life, colors, numbers and sounds flashing and booming everywhere. She stayed, sifting through the code, trying to bust out, to get **out** of this madness-

Suddenly, there was light. Sound. Touch. Everything. She could see a window, as well as the sun shining through. It felt so _artificial_ , yet so _vivid_. There were birds chirping outside, and she could hear a clock ticking. It was....indescribable.

"Monika?! What's wrong?!" 

Sayori's voice met her ears, and as she felt the cool tile floor of the school hallways against her bottom, the pressure of the wall against her back, as well as the heaviness in her heart and the wetness of tears streaming down her face, she knew one thing. It was something she couldn't comprehend; something she couldn't understand, and probably never would.

It was something that was either always the case, or something that became true over a strange and extraordinary course of events.

She was a real person. Or, alternatively, the world she was in, was in fact, real. If these possibilities were true...

 _How?_ And more importantly, _why?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been hit with some existential feels, so im updating this fic to deal with it.


	3. blank slate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new start? or right back where she started?

Monika was completely taken aback. She still hadn’t responded to Sayori, as everything that had just occurred had hit her all at once.  Her thoughts were still twisting and turning, like metal springs, and she was at a loss for words.

“Monika!” 

Her eyes met Sayori’s, and she felt herself tumbling back into reality….or whatever  _ this  _ all was.  “I-I’m okay....” she mumbled, before moving to get up. Her knees buckled underneath her, and she felt her bottom collide with the cold tiled floor yet again. 

“Here, let me help,” Sayori said and wrapped her arms around her so gently like she was a glass statue that could shatter at any given moment. It made Monika ill. 

The walk to the bathroom was silent, and Monika was grateful for it. Perhaps Sayori knew that now was not the best time to say anything.  The bathroom was a standard room, the walls lined with minimal decoration and simple tiling.

Monika gripped the sides of the sink, feeling her breath nearly hitch as Sayori rubbed comforting circles into her back.

She honestly wondered if Sayori would be doing this if she knew what became of her in the game. 

Flashes of code came barrelling through her mind, and the image of Sayori’s blank, lifeless face nearly screamed at her. In an instant, she almost lurched forward to turn on the sink. The clear water pooled in her hands, and she could almost see the reflection of both her and Sayori’s perturbed expressions. 

This was much too vivid to be normal. 

Monika greedily let the water splash her face completely, nonetheless.

“Are you sure that you’re okay, Monika?” Sayori’s voice snapped her out of her stupor, and she shut the water off, wiping her face with her sleeve.

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” she nearly snapped, with such a cold detachment that even surprised her. Sayori flinched back, hurt swimming in her eyes. Monika sighed, giving the shorter girl a weak smile. “I promise, I’m fine.” 

Monika clenched and unclenched her fist, trying to put her thoughts in order as she made her way into the clubroom. 

Everything was the same as if she’d never left. Yuri was reading, and Natsuki was rummaging through the manga closet. The new member,  **_he_ ** was there, simply writing in a small notebook. Monika felt her feet almost root themselves into the ground at the sight of him.

Okay. Okay. Monika could salvage this. She just needed to figure out what was going on. 

Yuri looked up at her, setting down her book.

“Ah, Monika, you’re back!” she smiled softly, and Natsuki glanced at her from the closet before exiting it with a pile of cute pastel books. “What took you so long?!” 

Quickly, Monika racked her brain trying to think of what to say. 

“She was just taking a break! I was on my way to the bathroom when I ran into her! We sorta lost track of time, eheheh…” Sayori cut in, looking sheepishly at her fellow clubmates, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. Natsuki, for a split second, didn’t seem to buy it, but she eventually shrugged and placed her books onto the nearest desk. 

Monika thanked whatever nonexistent god running this godforsaken game for Sayori always knowing what to say in situations like these.

Then again, Sayori only “knew” what to say because she was designed to. That was her purpose.

Right. She wasn’t real. As she gathered her books and papers, taking out her poem, she remembered. None of them were real. 

_ It’s all just a game. _

But for once, she didn’t have the urge to look at the godforsaken code, and as she flipped through the pages of her notebook, she could pick up conversations that most certainly were NOT in the script. 

One glaring example being Sayori and Natsuki chatting over which kind of chocolate was better. (That one ended in both of them agreeing that dark dark chocolate was disgusting, and white chocolate wasn’t that bad.) Or Yuri, Sayori, and the new member discussing the schoolwork from the day earlier. ( _ that  _ one ended up devolving into Natsuki butting in before proceeding to rant about her annoying math teacher and complaining about how much homework she always had.)

What was this? Was she finally free? Free from this wretched fake world? From the code, dooming her to a life of uniform?

She stood, clutching one of her poems close to her chest, before walking over to the group, her smile growing.  She was rearing up to join in on the conversation, which had since shifted to other clubs.

Monika opened her mouth to speak.

“Okay, everyone! Time to share poems!”

  
  


_ What the fuck? _

_ No.  _ **_No no no no NO!_ **

In an instant, Monika could feel dread overtake her. The rage was dull at first, before spreading through her whole entity and becoming white-hot and positively unrelenting.

She nearly ripped through the fabric of the game’s reality, bringing forth the code.  Immediately, the girl tore through it, both the general game script and the dialogue.

Her fury and hopelessness grew with each passing second, and she nearly ripped the games digital coils asunder.

‘ **Why! WHY CANT I ESCAPE! I DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE? WHY THE HELL CAN’T I ESCAPE! ALL I WANT IS TO BE REAL! LET ME OUT! LET ME** **_THE FUCK OUT_ ** **!’**

The input of text wasn’t meant to be there, so she wasn’t surprised when everything stopped, her surroundings disappearing into the darkness. Before it did, she saw the new club member. His face felt clearer, but he looked almost...horrified.

_ An exception has occurred. _

Monika moved through the code, once again. The fact that it came so naturally to her at this point made her sick.

The error screen disappeared, and the colors burst around her, a swirling cacophony of noise, wavelengths, awful particles, and data all collapsing in on themselves. Monika did the same.

But the difference was that the errors could come and go. Monika could not.  As the horrible Void appeared, swallowing everything whole, it roared to life with its screech.

  
  


Monika found herself fully screaming along with it.

  
  



End file.
